Tuesday, December 28, 2010

FB


I have a fb account, it's true. I have a few friends, update my status once every few months, and comment on my friend's kids' pics. Recently I got to looking at a friend's fb page. Let me clarify: I was stalking a colleague who just got fired and became mesmerized by his 450+ friends list.

Now that I have a basis for comparison, I can see I have made some assumptions.

  • My friends are all clothed in their fb pics, but that is not true of everyone
  • "Henny"is a very popular drink, and many people like to feature it in their pics
  • I do not have one female friend who has a pic of herself, back to the camera, looking alluringly (read drunkenly) over her shoulder at the photographer
  • Do you know anyone named "DJ" anything? Do you have any friends with "cash" "money" or "tooks" in their name? I don't.
  • Has this ever been your status update: "i hate when i pass out at a friends house...lol"
Now, I kid you not, this is swiped directly from the page of a stranger:

Likes and Interests: The Bible, I HATE AN INDIRECT ASS BITCH....BITCH IF YOU GON SAY IT BE DIRECT...OH PUSSY ASS

So true, oh pussy ass.

Fuppets

Fake Muppets = Fuppets.

Even Fuppets are looking for spiritual guidance...I found these outside St. Patrick's Cathedral. And what's in the bag? You don't want to know.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Magic Pot

MaryKatherine had a magic pot that did not boil water. According to her, though the pot appeared to be made of typical pot material (er...metal), it simply didn't conduct enough heat to boil water. I think it is because she watched it...you know.

But now she has a new pot... (watch through to the end - it's worth it.)

video

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

December 14th Should be a National Holiday

MaryKatherine's Birthday was a big one this year - somewhere between quinceanera and 90. Because MK loves The Office, Jazzergirl made her this:




Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Food

Remember this post about "frooties"? Check out what they look like underneath the wrapper...hot pink sweetness! And they taste like an air freshener.


And remember my mom's cupcakes? Look what I found in their freezer...
That is my dad's handwriting, which means that she gave him explicit instructions to ensure that he properly wrap, label and place the...

yes, the mini linzer tarts. Two of them. And they were mini - the size of oreos. Why would they even be left over? I can just see it now, maybe they were leaving for a trip and she didn't want to take them, didn't want to eat them, and didn't want to throw them away. I can hear her barking, "Ramon! Hurry - wrap the 2 mini linzer tarts and get them in the freezer before we leave!!!"

And finally, something overcame my mom this past summer, maybe it was the chemo, but she went on a crusade. She read an article that spices should be kept in the freezer. She mailed me the article. Mailed. It. To. Me. I see her all the time, but she had to mail it to me. She also emailed it to me and handed me a paper copy. She talked about it, ruminated, brought it up in her book club. And she acted on it! A woman of action!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Gifted

from Tacos Mexicos. Do you think they are made with real froot?


Friday, November 26, 2010

"I will Kick You in the Slats" and Other Thanksgiving Highlights


Thank you, Wikipedia.

You know I don't like to use people's proper names here as a small measure of protecting privacy. I cherish my friends and wouldn't want them to feel exposed. So I will use the following anonymous nicknames for Marsha and Jay: Marsha and Jay.

Excerpts from my T-Giving:

Marsha: "You have no ideas how stressful my job is."
Marsha: "I have the most stressful job"
Marsha: "Why am I sick? I never get a break at my job. I work all the time and it is very stressful."
Marsha: "I am allergic to tree mold."

Do you need a tutorial about the swords of the Masons? Jay is ready to tell you.

My mother threatened to "kick me in the slats." I don't know where my slats are, and don't really want to find out.

The best part of Thanksgiving 2010?

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Mighty Mighty

The Mighty Mighty A-Mem returned for a whirlwind visit. And what do A-Mem and my mom have in common? A love of roosters, apparently. This is A-mem's new obsession:





And here is a quick look-see of what we saw on our travels. Why are the animals so agitated? Why are people who are supposed to be Asian....not?



Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Roosevelt Island, Kenya

While me and CaliE were on Roosevelt Island we came across this advertisement:


Look carefully, especially at bullet point 5.




Any takers?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

No Ordinary Smartness

I have really, really smart friends. I play scrabble with them and they regularly decimate me by using words such as:

DACOITY; UVEA; NONART; OORIE; JOINTURE; AMBIT; XERIC; MULETA; CECUM; HAFIZ; MARLIER; SHIVES; AJIVA; SYNDET; TORERO; PODGY; DRAGOON; FIREBRAT; SPADIX; LANGUR; EXINE; VIRID; PARAFOIL; YAUD; YOWE; COSIE; GLEGY; OTTAVAS; FUNKIAS; AKENE; AQUAE; BAIZE; ETUI; FUGIO; KINASES; OIDIA; VIRION; GASALIER; LUNTED; ROUEN; OTIOSE; COOEY; NURIS; WOMMERA; TOGUE; PONCE; GROTTY; EYRIE; DUI; TARDO; MUEDDIN; HIN; ULVA; ARETE; CANOW; NETTY; TOGAE; BICE; ARVO; ALIFS; TIPCAT; FOLIUM

I had to look them all up...

tip·cat

-noun 1. a game in which a short piece of wood, tapered at both ends, is struck lightly at one end with a bat, causing the wood to spring into the air so that it can be batted for a distance.
2. Also called pussy, the tapered piece of wood used in this game.

spa·dix

–noun, Botany an inflorescence consisting of a spike with a fleshy or thickened axis, usually enclosed in a spathe.

yaud

–noun Scot. and North England a mare, esp. an old, worn-out one.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Bonkers

A while back I attended a public hearing for organizations vying for federal block grant money in Yonkers. Here are some highlights, and they explain a lot about my work situation.

  • "Everyone can overcome diversity" said one youth services provider
  • One Program Director didn't know the name of her own program and started crying. Her colleague got up to try to assist and also wound up crying.
  • A woman who, for all intent and purposes could not walk, got up to advocate for a parade (they did not get funded...)
  • A woman who is the Executive Director of a Senior Center described senior citizens as "lonely, desolate people."
Welcome to Yonkers.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

You Don't Say

This would have been good information 2 hours and 2 boroughs ago.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Do You KNow These Guys?

Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man



Thursday, October 28, 2010

You Don't Scare Me!

Who doesn't love a chihuahua? I found a super cute pic of one in a newspaper, cut it out, and hung it on the door to my office. Look what I saw when I came into work.....


And this was on my desk:



Is this a message, like a horse head in my bed?

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Drinking or Driving

Phone convo with mom:

Mom: We went to a museum yesterday. It was in a very depressed neighborhood - very poor. There was a man on the sidewalk. He was toothless...what do you call it? Down on his luck. I asked him a question, I don't even remember what I asked him... He probably came right out of a Triple-A meeting.

Me: Because he had trouble with his car?

Mom: Oh! I mean an AA meeting. God! I would never talk to someone from Triple-A. They are all terrible drivers. They're a bunch of murderers.

Me:

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

A Back-Up Plan for Your Back-Up Plan

Thanks for the pic, NYTimes, it's the least you could do!

The Chilean miners trapped underground for two months are starting to reach the surface!

From the Times:
"
While lauded for its economic management and austerity, the nation has often found the world’s attention trained more on its human rights violations and natural disasters than on uplifting moments.

But the perseverance of the miners, trapped so far underground in a lightless, dank space, has transfixed the globe with a universal story of human struggle and the enormously complex operation to rescue them."

Here, to me, is one of the most important lessons of this experience: "Mr. Piñera [Chile's President] was not satisfied with one option, so he set in motion three efforts to drill a successful rescue hole: Plans A, B and C."

Imagine that - a back-up plan! And a back-up plan to your back-up plan! Right there is the difference between being smart, and being educated (and is Piñera ever educated - Fulbright Scholar to Harvard. We can talk more about him later...) I very much admire the difference between having such a large ego that you actually think that your wish to get something done will make it happen, and the clear-minded practical plan born of steely determination.

By the way, here is the Amnesty International page for Chile.

And here is Isabel Allende's website, just because I she is my favorite author.

Arriba Chile!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Progress!

You may or may not know that MaryKatherine has given me many
sticky notes over the last few years...



And today I can very proudly wear this one:


Sunday, October 3, 2010

Lady Parts


We all have euphemisms for things, mostly relating to body parts and bodily functions...right? If you know me, then you know that I often use the word "Yum Yum" for my...well, you know. And now here it is in lights on Queens Blvd. Apparently, Yum Yum is open for business. Cash only.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Girls Rock

The lesson not learned? "Get Out of the Way." I took about 50 punches (no exaggeration here) to one particular spot. The bruising is truly spectacular. SO MANY girls have come up to me to ask if I'm ok. And I am deepy thankful to each and every one of them. A sales girl at Michaels asked, "Is there any way to avoid that?" I laughed out loud. "Yes...get out of the way."

The girl at Modells said, "Yo, that's really fucked up." Once I told her what it was from she told me, "that's cool but it's still kinda fucked up." THANKS GIRLS!

Monday, September 27, 2010

Bodies in Urban Spaces

I am finally in alignment with the world. I went to a dance performance at 6:45am. Perfect.

Willi Dorner choreographed this piece which allows the audience to re-experience and perhaps reinterpret thoughts and ideas about our urban spaces, in this case, Wall Street.

At first you really had to look hard to find the dancers. It was still dark and they melded with the surrounding architecture:


As it got lighter out they interacted in a more direct way...





The dancers were amazingly talented. I marveled at their strength, flexibility, fluidity, apparent trust of one another, and tenacity. It took enormous strength to remain in these positions for as long as they did - many minutes, six to ten, I would guess.

Even their dis-assembly was graceful and beautiful.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Home at Last

Texas D went to Texas. Long story short, she returned a few days later but the cats had to stay with Grandma for a while. Below is Chase. Look how pretty. How sweet and purr-y and regal.



This is Cleo. She hates you.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Weekend Fun

This was from the window of one of those tourist souvenir shops on Times Square. Went with Texas D to see The Town. Liked it. Sex and car crashes - everybody's happy!


Main Street, Flushing


The Hindu Ganesh Temple in Flushing where we went to make an offering (a guava) and eat in the Canteen.


The side of an apartment building in Flushing. Apparently Flushing and Yonkers have a lot in common.

Main Street. Wha?


Main Street 99¢ Store

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Totally Unacceptable

First of all, what's wrong with wearing pearls and dancing at work? At least she's dressed. Though it does look like she's holding her poo.

Which one am I? I'll let MaryKatherine and Jazzergirl say for sure. But where is the one who looks like this....


Because let's be honest, I tend to pinball between crazy pearl-wearing lady and morose sad-sack, punctuated by righteously indignant rant man.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

That's Me!!!

A while back the Mighty A-Mem had given me this Kit Kat CHUNKY MINI. It's been a long year, and now I am a chunky mini!!!!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

La Vida Continua

Thank you google images.

So how cool is it that I can get a call at 11-something to go out...and I do! I think my age is showing, though. I swear I lost some hearing in my right ear. A day of karate and a night of bachata and merengue - perfect.

The sad part of the night was watching a girl just get worn down by Señor Boracho until she finally made out with him. I wanted to intervene but my better judgment told me not to. Plus my Dominican Spanish is crap...I could say something but what if one of them answered? I would have to offer my standard, "como? mande? repete por favor? que?" Plus did I mention that I am now partially deaf?

Oh! Guess what? Not only are jelly beans sad, so are pistachios! Who knew?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Tres palabras: ped . it. os.

You know about those miners who are trapped and the Chilean government along with NASA and everyone else is doing an amazing job trying to get them? Well....

"The Chilean staple of beans will not be sent to the men because of the possibility of giving them intestinal gas."

Would US officials ever think at this level of detail? ("Helluva good job, Brownie") They can't even get people housed 5 years after Katrina!

Pensando de Ustedes! Bendiciones a todos!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Bye, Crackheads

In these last few weeks I have been tested on several life lessons that have taken me years to learn. I have passed. And although I told MaryKatherine that I took one step forward and 693 back, that actually isn't true. I took many steps forward and about 2 steps back but then I took a LEAP forward again.

When faced with any challenging situation, I try to remember Laurie's instructions: give thanks. So I have. And it works.

A new lesson I have learned: there are a bunch of things one can do to build confidence - to "fake it 'till you make it." Wearing my gi makes me feel confident, but it's off-putting to others, especially in the street. Did you know that great lipstick and a bit of swagger is like a magnet for interesting people? It is so easy to make conversation with all sorts of strangers when you have on NARS pigali and sit up strait!!! I got so much play on the subway last night! Usually only crackheads love me (and I love them, but they tend to be unreliable friends...) A girl and I watched a grape tomato roll around for a while and laughed together, I talked with some random boys, and an older woman (older than me, that is) winked at me knowingly.

Oh yeah, algo esta cambiando....

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Viva Colombia!

Usted sabe que yo amo Colombia, verdad? But I do not like the bougie attitudes of South America that value unrealistic perceptions of women and girls and the culture of normalized cosmetic surgery...you get the picture:

That mannequin has the most ginormous breasts e.v.e.r. Does Shakira look like that? Does Ingrid Betancourt look like that? Not even Botero makes his women so dis-proportioned!

[And because we are talking Colombia, we must mention Juanes...dreamy!]
And on a separate but related note, I have been introduced to a new bubble-popper game that involves jewels. I realize you all have known about this for several years, but as you know, if it's new to me, I gotta share!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I Am So Blessed!

Thank you, my friends and family for making my birthday amazing. I was showered with love. Look at the beautiful flowers from Jazzergirl.


No one fessed up to putting this in my office mailbox, but clearly it's someone who knows and loves me. Pez + NY Mets? Maybe it was Robbie?!


Shekkey and Benny gave me this gorgeous tomato.

I heard from dozens of people who love me and that just made me weak with gratitude. An old friend came back in my life and that was a highlight. But MaryKatherine wasn't around...and that was sad...like you know what.