Friday, January 28, 2011

Three's A Crowd

The guy in the new 99c store tried to explain to me why men need two wives. "It is an ugly fact that 95% of all men cheat, so it is better to have two wives so they don't have to cheat." I considered it for a bit. I suggested a counter idea: Women should have two husbands so that when one cheats, she still has a spare after she's killed the cheater.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Peace Out, Cub Scout

Whew! Glad that's over with!


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My Heart is Full of Mushrooms and a Peach


"The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to." ~Dodie Smith


"What good's a place to stand up, without a place to fall?" -Robert Palmer

I grew up with both Heid and her Hubby, and sitting in their house, playing with their kids (Heid calls them "Varmints"), I am overwhelmed by the power of transformation and love. They have created the kind of home where you can breath easy, knowing that everyone has your back. A place where you will be honored for being you in all your silliness, for all your brilliant and not-so-brilliant ideas, where you can try and succeed and try and fail. A place of belly laughs and realistic expectations. If you ever want to know what it is to be blessed, stop by their place some time.

And guess what? The Varmints introduced me to a game called "Super Mario Brothers." Have you heard about it? There are mushrooms and coins and horses and you have to find a girl named "Peach." So much fun. As are Shrinky Dinks (pic above.) And bagels. The Varmints are spectacular. Just...oy, I'm kvelling...just delish.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Me and Al Gore Again

According to one of the Senior Vice Presidents at my job, I am

"fucking pedantic"

just like Al Gore. Apparently, Al explained his policy for Social Security with a lock box metaphor that really upset the intelligentsia.

Most interesting for me is that this particular guy has, on occastion, reminded me that he went to The Wharton School and The Johns Hopkins University. I have reminded him several times that I went to prison college and it took me 18 years to graduate.

Here is the full disclosure: When he said "pedantic" I was thinking "didactic" and took it as a compliment. Now that I realize what he meant...wtf? Really? Me? I went to prison college!

I think I'll put that on my resume anyway.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Meeting, Anyone?

I knew the basic plot of The Fighter before I went to see it, and thought it was a really great movie. What I didn't realize was that getting sober would be such an important element in the story.

And here is where is really gets good...

I was supposed to go see it with two of my friends, but just as I was putting on my jacket to go meet up with them they texted to say that they were so wrecked from drinking the night before that they had to bail on me...sad like jelly beans.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Will He Get a Performance Review?

After I brought in some leftovers from my mom's party, my boss told me...

"I will eat your clementine"

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Hello There, 2011

I have already learned something new and important in 2011. The ventricular assist device (VAD) is a mechanism that keeps hearts pumping. It was invented with help from NASA. Ready for this? It's taken from an article in the NYT.

The VAD "leaves patients without a pulse because it pushes blood continuously instead of mimicking the heart’s own beat. Most pulse-less patients feel nothing unusual..."

AAGGGHHHHH. That's like people who get tummy tucks and have the surgeon remove their belly button (oh yes, it's true.) So Dick Cheney, Edward, and Jacob....

Now, on to saying goodbye to 2010.

First - Sorry to my fam about David.

Second, thanks, 2010! All in all it was a pretty great year.

Shout out to all my friends - you know who you are MaryKatherine, Heid and Nach and delishables, Laurie and the Clan, Osito, Tan, QueenEsther, The Mighty Mighty A-Mem, Oso Polar y Shar y las ni├▒as, Ari and O, ToolDave, my cousins, Dr. Donnelly, and all you amazing other folks. I love you! And here's to my new friend, JimmyJaimeCali.

Big ups to my Sensei and training partners and all the awesome women at NWMAF. Yay for knuckle push ups.

Thanks to the universe for a job with health insurance! And for Benny - a job with a dog!

Thanks to the universe for giving me my mom (and dad) for another year. Didn't think I'd be saying that.

Thanks for all the compassion and kindness, all the breaks I got, the learning opportunities, the failures (more learning opportunities.) Thanks for a year of HEALTH (thank you, thank you, thank you.) Thanks for reggaeton y bachata y bailando. Thanks for beautiful sunsets and books on CD. Thanks for JACKSON HEIGHTS and Roosevelt Island. Gracias por tacos y pupusas y arepas.

Thanks for another day and another chance.

Onward.