Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Pregquarium (TM)

photo ©2007 greg eans

Attention all pregnant ladies, formerly pregnant ladies, people with back problems, and folks who like to bob... Also, venture capitalists with stimulus money - lookie here.

I have an invention for you! Hey - before you try to steal this idea, please know, it is trademakrked, copywrited, and protected by swine flu-carrying porcupines.

Picture an incubator - you know, the kind with the rubber gloves attached. Now picture a dunk tank on wheels, or maybe with an electric device for moving it around a la Stephen Hawking.

Now imagine a big 'ole pregnant lady floating happily around with her arms through the gloves and her head above water. She can work at her computer, cook, chat on the phone, whatever! Back pain - banished! Swollen feet - gone!

And cause the tank is draped, you can wear whatever you like and still preserve your integrity!


Friday, April 24, 2009

Sun Chips

At the store yesterday...

My cashier was a cute girl, maybe 19, and quite toasty. As she's ringing up my order she's squealing, "Oh my god, you're freaking me out Sean. Tell me it isn't true! Is it gonna happen to me?" Lobster Boy, (Sean) appears, also about 19. Apparently he just had a cancerous growth removed from his neck and his doctor told him to stop tanning. Much squealing, lilting, and oh-my-godding.

Then a normal skinned cashier chimes in, "Sean, your doctor told you you stop tanning and you really should."

"I know, but it's the only thing I'm good at..."

Thursday, April 23, 2009

You Don't See This Too Often

Yup, folks - that's a fridge magnet.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I'm a Smartypants! I'm a Smartypants!

On the MetroNorth home from a GREAT day at MoMA w/ L. and Cousin H. StylishMan and IckyStuffintheCornerofHisMouthMan are babbling on and on and on about their amazing opera careers.

Both: "blahblahblahblah La Traviata"
StylishMan: "We just couldn't find an Alfredo we liked"
Me: "Did you try fettucini? It's usually pretty good"
Both: Stunned silence and staring
StylishMan: "We are discussing opera."
Me: "Yeah, well, I say go for the fettucini."

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Independence Day

Everybody deserves an Independence Day.
Today is mine.
Pardon me while I go write my declaration.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Flushing Meadows Corona Park

Cool, right?
I took this pic with my camera phone - not bad!

Monday, April 13, 2009

We Wear the Mask...of Ariana

We love Brotherhood Sister Sol. They are a great example of a non-profit that uses its money well.

They recently had a fundraiser called "We Wear the Mask", where atendees were asked to wear a "tribal or ethnic" mask to what was, really, a very chill house party. Ariana, whom you met here, works at BHSS. She's tribal. She's ethnic. So I made a bunch of masks in her honor. Odin almost passed out surrounded by so many Aris. Good thing she's easy on the eyes.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Lo! This is the Bread of Affliction

Went to my mom's for "Passover". I have 4 words to describe it: baked potato and pickles.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


I may have neglected to mention this, but I got to go to the very first ballgame ever played in the new Shea (I know, you call it Citifield but it'll never be Citifield to me...) A-Mem, Osito and El Torito went too.
It was raining. There were cops e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e Canine, anti-crime, anti-terror task force, detectives in suits, fancy-shmancy COs and XOs...

The Jackie Robinson Pavillion was not quite finished but beautiful nonetheless.

I can't wait to see what the new homerun apple looks like. Thanks, Greyston (and CitiBank) for the tix!
RIN told me that the field is heated to make the grass grow for the pre-season. My brother wonders what will happen if the heaters accidentally turning on in August...maybe Carlos will be forced to take off his jersey?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Realistic Expectations

R., the meatball gestator, is squeemish. Yes she is. So when she "google imaged" the words "tumor with teeth and hair", what exactly was she expecting? I don't even have to tell you the rest of the story, do I? Suffice it to say there was much eek-ing and ew-ing and cringing.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Omnipresent Fowl

Big thanks to the mighty A-Mem, who risked life and limb to get this picture in France (doesn't rhyme with pants.) Clearly these awful birds have developed a sophisticated intranet with which to haunt me and my friends. Beware - no one is safe.

Stuck in traffic (with A-Mem, I might add) in Corona, and what do I feel boring in at me? (NO! not that!) The beady, persistant eyes of the proprieter of La Casa de Pollo. But we know, this isn't a pollo...its un gallo malo.
Finally - and I promise to make this the last rooster-related post - look what I found in the store

A dreaded, fearsome, r.o.o.s.t.e.r o.v.e.n.m.i.t.t.

Why Don't You Like Woodside?

Where else in the world can you you find an establishment the Bum Bum Bar? Nowhere. So that's reason number one to visit Woodside. In addition, Woodside isn't just a neighborhood, its a village, apparently...

Oh, this is just the mini Hair Village. The maxi Hair Village is right across the street. No kidding. All your hair needs can be addressed in Woodside. And don't forget that you can also get this and this! 61st Street on the 7 train. You should go.