Certified

We received an advertisement in the mail for this workshop. Imagine seeing that on someone's resume? "Hi, I'm a Certified ScrumMaster." Gross. Better to be a Notary Public.

How to Vet a Date

Thanks, google images!

First, read this.

Then, ask you date, "Hey, did you hear that crazy story about the Dora the Explorer DVD?" If they haven't, give them the details and be sure to mention the title of the wayward video.

There may be several responses, including:

• "Wow, that's crazy!"
• "OMG, I know that series! 14 was the best!"
• "Hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband...."
• "Ewwwwww."

Depending on your personal preferences, your date's answer will give you lots of great information about how you might want to proceed with the relationship. And how much lube you'll need.

I am Missing the "Zebra" and "Romance" Connection...

I represent my job at bi-monthly meetings for housing providers, which are held at the Senior Center in the projects. I arrived really early to the last meeting and grabbed a cheesy paperback to read.

When people started coming in I got embarrassed and shoved the book in my bag. The gem above was attached to the middle of the book. Look how bendy she is! And how effortlessly he carries her - like a loaf of bread, or a violin. I really like his cargo pants.

A Lady in the Street and a Warrior in the Dojo - Apparently Not

Sensei and I were walking home from the dojo. It was beautiful out so we just had our sweatshirts and backpacks. My ponytail bounced and my face was still a little pink from class. Sensei is 6' to my 5'4" and he outweighs me by a full 100 lbs. All that to say that, at the very least, by comparison, I've got to look a little bit girly.

The Ready, Willing, and Able guy looked at us and said,

"Good Morning, gentlemen."

A Nopal by Any Other Name

Mary Katherine, Jazzergirl, and I were in the bodega. Jazzergirl and I were discussing V-8 and mustard when...

Mary Katherine: "Ouch! I touched this...food...and it bit me!"

Me: "What did you touch?"

MK: "This...."



Me: "Nopales? You're surprised you got stuck by nopales?"

MK: "What are they?" (As she's looking at the spines sticking out of her palm)

Me: "Uh....cactus...."

MK, showing us the spines: "I was going to take them out, but I wanted to show you."

It is important here to note that I am just a quirky city girl of average intelligence. I rely on MK to be smarter than me. Maybe it's an unfair burden, but apparently, that's her lot in life. Having said that, I am worried that she didn't recognize the cactus - it is so very...cactus-y.

It has been determined that Mary Katherine has PTSD, which explains a lot, but not everything. The rest of it can be explained in MK's own words, "I am cloudy in the head." I think she is insane in the membrane.

Sweetest Valentine's Day Ever!

Thank you for an amazing V-Day!

There is no place I would have rather been and nothing I would have rather been doing.

My heart is full.

Wonderful!

I don't know about y'all, but I feel WONDERFUL!

How did I get so lucky!!!????

Thanks!

Liver

Thanks, livercancer.com

How often do you think about your liver?
Well, think about it now.