Wig-A-Rama

Moral of the story: if you need a Man Wig, a Woman Wig, or a fire wig, come to Jackson Heights.

Oh Yeah, It's Always a Festival

From the Transit Museum. This is why we have to hope that print ads never go out of style.

So Many Fetishes Wrapped Into One

Happy Holidays! Did you want to see erotic asphyxiation? Bondage? Amongst stuffed animals? With a holiday theme? Well, Santa pulled it all together in one neat display. Go to 46th Street and 43rd Avenue in Sunnyside to see it first hand. But seriously, mad props to to whomever works so hard to create these really fun scenes.

SLUG

Visiting the Versailles

Bone In Lamb. Poor Lamb

Who knew Costco could be so much fun?

Isn't Coco gorgeous? So classy. And her new man is Halal!

The Great Wall of Velveeta. They should have The Great Wall of Lipitor directly next to this.

This may possibly be the least appetizing thing I've ever seen.

He Loved Show Tunes

  

I started dating someone in May.  What should we call him?  What's that? Tommy? OK! 

 

The first time he met my dad was at my mom's funeral, and then he came to a "we're not sitting shiva" call.  I should have known right then and there when my dad said,

 

"That Tommy seems like a nice guy; does he have a boyfriend?"

 

Ack! Yes! Me!

 

We dated for a bit and we had so much fun.  On 4th of July he came with me to Heidi's and was great with the kids.  Fast forward, we stopped dating because, well, you know...

 

So I was hanging with Heidi's varmits recently and Thing A asked about Tommy.  I told her that we weren't dating anymore.  This is what she said...

 

"Wow, you can't keep a man."

 

Gasp!

 

I told her that some men aren't worth keeping, but still, it made me laugh!

 



I'm Back!

Alice and her nutcracker.  I was mortified.  She laughed her head off.

So, what's new?

On this end, Alice died, Mary Katherine moved to Atlanta, Jeditor moved to Austin, I changed jobs, lost my new job, boys came and went, friends stayed, Made new friends, finished my book, "Little on the 7," and Obama was re-elected.  My Karate practice is moving along, joyfully and painfully.

I have learned to sleep!

After mom died I had a "sleepcheeto" summer, but I'm bouncing back.

Please, keep visting me here - new fun stuff to be posted soon.

Distressed in Astoria

Beautiful and I were in Astoria and passed an insurance brokerage. This is the painting on their window. Let's review the possible insurance needs for this family:

What if your husband unexpectedly grows a head out of his armpit?

What if your brother-husbands suddenly start bleeding uncontrollably?

What if a distressed woman appears in bed with you and your life partner?

What's the gecko going to do?

Why the BBC is Actually the Best New Source

"An Austrian atheiest has won the right to to be shown on his driving-license photo wearing a pasta strainer as 'religious headgear'" He said that "the sieve was a requirement of his religion,pastafarianism."

Here is the link to prove that this is for reals...

Why $15 a Month for the NYT Might be a Sound Investment

I used to read the NYTimes on line "cover to cover" daily. Like a good NY liberal I also listened to NPR and read El Diario. But now that the Times requires a subscription, I look elsewhere. Like Yahoo. Here's a sample (the pic and all the info swiped directly from Yahoo) of the "news" they offer from one article linking human leprosy to armadillos...

"DNA tests show a match in the leprosy strain between some patients and these prehistoric-looking critters — a connection scientists had suspected but until now couldn't pin down."

Better living through chemistry?

"The risk of getting leprosy from an armadillo is low"

Whew!

"DNA samples were taken from 33 wild armadillos in Arkansas, Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi and Texas, where they're sometimes referred to as "hillbilly speed bumps" because they're often run over by cars."

WTF?

"Of the 15 patients for whom researchers had information, seven said they had no contact with armadillos; eight said they did, including one who routinely hunted and ate them."

"Leave the animals alone," advised lead researcher Richard Truman of the National Hansen's Disease Programs.

Yup. Leave them alone.

"I would not cuddle armadillos," said Dr. Warwick Britton of the University of Sydney in Australia, who had no connection with the study.

Seriously, leave them alone.

Queens Pride 2011!

Pride 2011 was AWESOME. Great friends, good food, dancing, love, energy.

Serenity

Actual quote from a co-worker:

"I have a machete in my car and a knife in my pocket."

Standard Response

Here are some sample conversations with my mom:

Mom: What did you do yesterday?
Me: I went to the park with the Varmints
Mom: Dullsville

or another

Mom: How was class?
Me: It was great! We practiced controlled take-downs
Mom: Sounds awful.
Me: No, it was awesome. I learned a lot.
Mom: Dullsville

You get the idea. Imagie my surprise when I saw 7 across.

Dear Ativan

Dear Ativan,

I love you. I don't mean in a "who's your buddy, who's your pal?" kind of way. I love you like I would give you a kidney. Like I would leave you my 403b. LikeI would shave my cha cha for you (sorry MK.)

Because if she didn't start taking it again I was going to start shooting heroin, probably directly into my eyes (sorry again MK) and then I would have to write a different letter - several different letters - as I was working my steps.

Oh Ativan, you are a miracle.

And to be fair, 2 1/2 years is a very long time, and it is an awful, awful, awful way to slowly die. And if I were in that position I don't know that I'd do much better. But I would take my fucking Ativan!

Email From a Potential Date

Hey Elena,

How are you? I think you are really cute. Let's go out sometime, we could do something really fun. I have a mango in my pants.

-Mr. X

Really? Seriously? Wha?

You've Heard of Home Schooling?

Well, this is what home chemo looks like...

Blowpop Samurai

Today, I killed a wasp in my office with a watermelon blowpop. I am an effing Ninja. No me jodas.

Morning Commute

The Seven train holds a special place in my heart. So much of my life has been spent on it, from the old Redbirds to the current R62As. Seven train riders are, by far, the most ineresting people (except for those Park Slope transplants in their skinny jeans and Waldo glasses who recently moved to Sunnyside.) Do you ever play that game where you guess where someone is going to get off and stand near them o you can get their seat? Me too.

Wistful

Benny, our office dog, gazes out the window.

Yesterday I was driving home and what did I see on the entrance ramp to the highway?

A) Dead deer
B) Scary Clown
C) Ginormous dildo

If you picked the sex toy, you would be right.

Then, I saw this on damnyouautocorrect: